Christmas Alone
I'm not feeling real jolly
I've broken up with Holly
This Christmas she's not sitting in my lap
She told me that my presents
Did not justify her presence
And emphasized her feelings with a slap
There will be no Merry Christmas
Mary's leaving me this Christmas
She packed her bags and said she had to go
It seems my ebenezer
Had too often failed to please her
So she's found herself another Christmas beau
Je n'aurai pas un Joyeux Noël
Basking in the joy of Noelle
It seems she thinks I'm something of a cheat
We won't be having nookie
By the milk and plate of cookies
Santa is the only one to get a treat
I won't be singing Christmas Carols
As I have no Christmas Carol
She is wassailing this year with a new man
She was always going off-key
Now she's even going off me
She never finished any song that she began
While the Christmas bells are tinkling
My own Christmas Belle was sprinkling
Powdered cyanide in my festive eggnog drink
I don't think she wants to kill me
But her actions do not thrill me
I hate pouring all that liquor down the sink
So I'm alone again this Christmas
But the only thing I missed was
Some heavy petting underneath the mistletoe
Perhaps there's hope for New Years
I might spend it with a new dear
Or perhaps I'll call this special miss I know
I've broken up with Holly
This Christmas she's not sitting in my lap
She told me that my presents
Did not justify her presence
And emphasized her feelings with a slap
There will be no Merry Christmas
Mary's leaving me this Christmas
She packed her bags and said she had to go
It seems my ebenezer
Had too often failed to please her
So she's found herself another Christmas beau
Je n'aurai pas un Joyeux Noël
Basking in the joy of Noelle
It seems she thinks I'm something of a cheat
We won't be having nookie
By the milk and plate of cookies
Santa is the only one to get a treat
I won't be singing Christmas Carols
As I have no Christmas Carol
She is wassailing this year with a new man
She was always going off-key
Now she's even going off me
She never finished any song that she began
While the Christmas bells are tinkling
My own Christmas Belle was sprinkling
Powdered cyanide in my festive eggnog drink
I don't think she wants to kill me
But her actions do not thrill me
I hate pouring all that liquor down the sink
So I'm alone again this Christmas
But the only thing I missed was
Some heavy petting underneath the mistletoe
Perhaps there's hope for New Years
I might spend it with a new dear
Or perhaps I'll call this special miss I know