Christmas Pudding
As I lay on my sofa On last New Year's Day
I firmly resolved To reduce what I weigh
First thing the next morning I woke with a cheer
I went to the gym And signed up for a year
I bought some nice sweatpants And trunks for the pool
I drove to the gym Where I found the lot full
I circled the parking lot Searching in vain
Then drove myself home and I ordered chow mein
My first visit was last I couldn't go twice
My membership card broke chipping some ice
So now comes December A whole year has passed
My tummy is bigger Not to mention my ass
'Tis the season of excess A glutton's field day
But I swear I'll lose twenty pounds by New Year's Day
So don't feed me sugar plums Take that fruit cake away
There will be no more feasting, it's a diet holiday
Put aside those iced cookies And the gingerbread men
I banish your rum balls Don't tempt me with them
Keep ten feet away with that mug of eggnog
Fifteen feet away for that chocolate yule log
The tables are laden With hot mince meat pies
An ounce on the fork Is five pounds on the thighs
No stuffing for me, and that turkey you're carving
Will not grace my plate, for this Christmas I'm starving
No cranberry relish, no butternut squash
No hazelnut nougat in chocolate ganache
And while you are peeling those chestnuts fire roasted
I'll be eating some dry bread which I've lightly toasted
So I hope when this calendar comes to an end
I'll be thin and sexy with only one chin
And I'll celebrate victory this New Year's Day
At my favorite all-you-can-eat Greek buffet
I firmly resolved To reduce what I weigh
First thing the next morning I woke with a cheer
I went to the gym And signed up for a year
I bought some nice sweatpants And trunks for the pool
I drove to the gym Where I found the lot full
I circled the parking lot Searching in vain
Then drove myself home and I ordered chow mein
My first visit was last I couldn't go twice
My membership card broke chipping some ice
So now comes December A whole year has passed
My tummy is bigger Not to mention my ass
'Tis the season of excess A glutton's field day
But I swear I'll lose twenty pounds by New Year's Day
So don't feed me sugar plums Take that fruit cake away
There will be no more feasting, it's a diet holiday
Put aside those iced cookies And the gingerbread men
I banish your rum balls Don't tempt me with them
Keep ten feet away with that mug of eggnog
Fifteen feet away for that chocolate yule log
The tables are laden With hot mince meat pies
An ounce on the fork Is five pounds on the thighs
No stuffing for me, and that turkey you're carving
Will not grace my plate, for this Christmas I'm starving
No cranberry relish, no butternut squash
No hazelnut nougat in chocolate ganache
And while you are peeling those chestnuts fire roasted
I'll be eating some dry bread which I've lightly toasted
So I hope when this calendar comes to an end
I'll be thin and sexy with only one chin
And I'll celebrate victory this New Year's Day
At my favorite all-you-can-eat Greek buffet