Dirty Laundry
E7 As4 A
I'm the bearer of the most distressing news
E7 As4 A
It seems that certain of your neighbors hold the views
E7 As4 A
And there are whispers slipping out half open doors
E7 As4 A
Nasty rumors that your mother is a whore
G D
I've heard ugly things about your sister Kate
C A
That she used a two by four to masturbate
G D
When confronted on her lignum love affair
C A
She said she was building a retirement home up there
And I know your brother Stan is doing time
For having sodomized a kitten with a lime
You say you think that things could be much worse
But there is no one who enjoys a sour puss
Your father buggers traveling salesmen
And also steals their watches when he can
He has enormous callous on his knees
And a wonderful collection of timespiece
Your cousin John cross-dresses on the sly
In ballroom gowns he wears slit up the thigh
His forearms and his legs are neatly waxed
But he is not agile enough to reach his back
Your Grandma's in the kitchen making stew
Wearing nothing but support hose and one shoe
While some might fantasize of nudist grannies
I'm not fond of saggy tits and wrinkled fannies
And Granddad's earned the townsfolk's wrath and scorn
For distributing the most disgusting porn
It seems there is nothing that that old man will not screw
In fact I believe one session even features you
Now all your dirty laundry has been aired
It is a trifling tidbit when compared
To the simple truth we hold above all others
That the best lay in the county is your mother
I'm the bearer of the most distressing news
E7 As4 A
It seems that certain of your neighbors hold the views
E7 As4 A
And there are whispers slipping out half open doors
E7 As4 A
Nasty rumors that your mother is a whore
G D
I've heard ugly things about your sister Kate
C A
That she used a two by four to masturbate
G D
When confronted on her lignum love affair
C A
She said she was building a retirement home up there
And I know your brother Stan is doing time
For having sodomized a kitten with a lime
You say you think that things could be much worse
But there is no one who enjoys a sour puss
Your father buggers traveling salesmen
And also steals their watches when he can
He has enormous callous on his knees
And a wonderful collection of timespiece
Your cousin John cross-dresses on the sly
In ballroom gowns he wears slit up the thigh
His forearms and his legs are neatly waxed
But he is not agile enough to reach his back
Your Grandma's in the kitchen making stew
Wearing nothing but support hose and one shoe
While some might fantasize of nudist grannies
I'm not fond of saggy tits and wrinkled fannies
And Granddad's earned the townsfolk's wrath and scorn
For distributing the most disgusting porn
It seems there is nothing that that old man will not screw
In fact I believe one session even features you
Now all your dirty laundry has been aired
It is a trifling tidbit when compared
To the simple truth we hold above all others
That the best lay in the county is your mother