NO MAYONNAISE IN IRELAND 2002
No mayonnaise in Ireland
I have looked on every shelf
For the most desired condiment
A part of every meal
If a coldcut is dressed only in oil
The hoagie is the less
As well as if a chicken salad were
As well as if a lobster roll of thy friends
Or of thine own were:
Because it is involved in the catering
And therefore never send to know
From whom the fresh rolls
The rolls we eat.
Neither can we call for a begging of mustard
Or a borrowing of mustard
Though we have not mustard enough for ourselves
But must fetch it in from the next house
In taking upon us the mustard of our neighbours
Truly we have precious condiments in our fridge
For ketchup is a treasure
And scarce any man has enough of it
No man has ketchup enough that it pours easily forth
To fill the hotdog with ketchup
If man carry beef bullion and a wedge of cheese
And have none made into fondue
His treasure will not feed him as he travels
Triple -decker sandwiches require mayo in the nature of it
But not mustard is used, nor relish
Except as we get weirder and weirder our tastes, heavens, by it
In summer mayo might make you sick too
And sick to death
If any confection is left lying out
Not cold, but lukewarm
I warn you Do not use it
But this smell
What tells you of salmonella
Throw out and eat plain cold meat
Trust not your refrigeration
Or anothers dairy
I make my own fresh salad dressing
From scratch each time
By making my mayo myself
It is my only security
I have looked on every shelf
For the most desired condiment
A part of every meal
If a coldcut is dressed only in oil
The hoagie is the less
As well as if a chicken salad were
As well as if a lobster roll of thy friends
Or of thine own were:
Because it is involved in the catering
And therefore never send to know
From whom the fresh rolls
The rolls we eat.
Neither can we call for a begging of mustard
Or a borrowing of mustard
Though we have not mustard enough for ourselves
But must fetch it in from the next house
In taking upon us the mustard of our neighbours
Truly we have precious condiments in our fridge
For ketchup is a treasure
And scarce any man has enough of it
No man has ketchup enough that it pours easily forth
To fill the hotdog with ketchup
If man carry beef bullion and a wedge of cheese
And have none made into fondue
His treasure will not feed him as he travels
Triple -decker sandwiches require mayo in the nature of it
But not mustard is used, nor relish
Except as we get weirder and weirder our tastes, heavens, by it
In summer mayo might make you sick too
And sick to death
If any confection is left lying out
Not cold, but lukewarm
I warn you Do not use it
But this smell
What tells you of salmonella
Throw out and eat plain cold meat
Trust not your refrigeration
Or anothers dairy
I make my own fresh salad dressing
From scratch each time
By making my mayo myself
It is my only security