I Am The Very Model of a Modern Chatting Gentleman
with all due apologies to Mssr's Gilbert et Sullivan
I am the very model of a modern chatting gentleman
I talk to people far and wide with flair elan and acumen
I talk to drunks in England and I render them hysterical
That they can type a word correctly surely is a miracle
I'm very well acquainted too with chatters from the Philippines
I understand some Tagalog, some Spanish and some Tatooine
And ladies chat from China with their coy, reticent Engerish
While Australia gives us mostly folks who only speak in Gibberish
I'm very good at chatting in five chat rooms simultaneous
By reading every other post and skipping the extraneous
In short, I type a quip, a jape, a jest, a joke and then hit “Send”
I am the very model of a modern chatting gentleman
I've chatted about history, philosophy and politics
I've chatted with some charming folks, I've chatted with a lot of dicks
And you might think that chat would be the province of the literate
But the endless chain of greetings is much more than I can tolerate
I can spot a bullshit artist faster than psychic can
And I know every second woman on the net's a lonely man
He's sitting in his mother's basement chatting morning, noon and night
It has been at least a dozen years since he has seen daylight
And while I chat I fill the pauses surfing on the internet
Peering shyly into places I'd prefer to keep a secret
Each link I click could lead me to a site banal, exquisite, or
I could land on the one that claims I am the millionth visitor
I am the very model of a modern chatting gentleman
I talk to people far and wide with flair elan and acumen
I talk to drunks in England and I render them hysterical
That they can type a word correctly surely is a miracle
I'm very well acquainted too with chatters from the Philippines
I understand some Tagalog, some Spanish and some Tatooine
And ladies chat from China with their coy, reticent Engerish
While Australia gives us mostly folks who only speak in Gibberish
I'm very good at chatting in five chat rooms simultaneous
By reading every other post and skipping the extraneous
In short, I type a quip, a jape, a jest, a joke and then hit “Send”
I am the very model of a modern chatting gentleman
I've chatted about history, philosophy and politics
I've chatted with some charming folks, I've chatted with a lot of dicks
And you might think that chat would be the province of the literate
But the endless chain of greetings is much more than I can tolerate
I can spot a bullshit artist faster than psychic can
And I know every second woman on the net's a lonely man
He's sitting in his mother's basement chatting morning, noon and night
It has been at least a dozen years since he has seen daylight
And while I chat I fill the pauses surfing on the internet
Peering shyly into places I'd prefer to keep a secret
Each link I click could lead me to a site banal, exquisite, or
I could land on the one that claims I am the millionth visitor